Fear of Success!
“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” Theodore Roosevelt
Are you the one holding yourself back?
Are you getting in the way of you reaching your full potential?
This concept recently reared its head in a coaching session I had with an already successful leader. In the midst of a career transition, it turned out they were afraid of setting themselves some goals for the next step in their journey because they were afraid of what it would mean if they did or didn’t achieve them.
Now you ask, is this a fear of success or is it a fear of failure? To be honest both can coexist in these situations but there is a difference. Fear of failure is the anxiety that you wouldn’t hit the target, whilst the fear of success is the apprehension of what would happen if you were to succeed. What will change? How will it impact you and those around you? And, what will that mean in terms of your identity and your purpose when success is realised?
What is fear of success?
Simply, it is a deep-seated fear of what could happen if we become more successful. Although this might seem to be a strange fear to hold, it is an issue where people worry excessively about the potential effects or the negative changes that success might bring them. It’s not the success itself that is feared, but the consequences that come with the success.
Individuals can respond to this fear by inadvertently sabotaging themselves to avoid the success. Often this is all done unconsciously, where many people don’t even realise they’re creating barriers to achieving goals and seizing opportunities, which is why when it is pointed out they can feel so surprised.
Something I have personally observed after my years coaching people is that more understating characters seem to be more likely to struggle with the fear of success. Why? Because it often requires you to push yourself into the limelight and campaign for yourself to reach your goal and receive attention, which isn’t always within their comfort zone. Also, people that are naturally self-deprecating wouldn’t choose to do something that garners praise and makes them centre of attention. Too often they can feel like they don’t deserve it.
A great example was an old colleague applying for a step-up role within the business. She was ready for promotion and fully capable of the role, but when her department head told her that she needed to be more self-promoting to gain support; she was floored. Although she was a naturally friendly and outgoing character, the idea of having to actively “promote” how good she was amongst her peers filled her with total dread, to the point she considered shying away from the opportunity completely. We talked it through and came up with a plan that she felt comfortable with – she went out and spent time with leaders that knew her best and asked them if they thought she was suitable for the role. As I suspected, these individuals not only said yes, but they also volunteered to support without any prompting. Taking this more subtle approach suited her more and ultimately helped her to achieve the step-up she rightfully deserved!
Nobody wants to admit they’re holding themselves back
Now, here is the big question – Do you have it? Do you have a fear of success?
Well, if you find yourself avoiding progression opportunities, shying away from career defining moments, undermining your accomplishments, or just feel anxious about the prospect of succeeding, then you should read on.
Why we have a fear of success
Achieving success can be intimidating. With success comes a plethora of new challenges one hasn’t experienced before; more responsibility, increased pressure and higher expectations are all potential consequences. At what cost is my success going to come? Some of the classic knock-on effects that worry people are:
- Affect – will it make you a better person or break you?
- Intensity – will the work be too hard or too much?
- Limelight – what will it mean to become more visible?
- Exposure – will the increased visibility mean more attention or people being quicker to criticise or even try to trip you up due to their own jealousy.
- Relationships – will your friendships be impacted because of the changes.
Signs that you fear success
There are many different reasons why someone fears success but there are always a few clear signs.
- Procrastination
If you are confident in something you are assertive and jump at things. If you are apprehensive, you make any excuse to stall. That is, you procrastinate. Everyone has had that moment when you find yourself busy with other tasks rather than the one that is giving you anxiety of some type. So, if you have something on your To-Do list you just aren’t getting around to, ask yourself why? By not doing it are you limiting your chance of success. People use this procrastination in a way to protect themselves against the potential negative side effects of success.
- Self sabotage
It is a self protection mechanism but you end up doing things that harm you and your prospects. You turn up late, forget things, miss deadlines and find ways to get out of opportunities that arise. It’s out of character and you don’t want this to be the impression people have of you but you are doing it anyway.
- Reluctance to set goals
This takes us to the beginning, the reason I started to write this blog. A successful client reluctant to set goals. If you feel averse to setting yourself goals then ask yourself why? Goals are not set in stone; you can have realistic ones but also pie in the sky goals; it’s the process of making a decision; and putting it on paper that just gives you a starting point to build on. Setting goals brings a clear pathway to success, and not setting them is a way to avoid facing the fear of achieving it.
- Avoidance
Opportunities present themselves but you aren’t taking them. Perhaps you decided you weren’t ready for a promotion or felt too apprehensive to take on a new project that would expand your current role. A recent coaching client is a perfect example of avoidance. Struggling with a mid-career crisis, unhappy with current role and lacking confidence, she resigned and took a break. What was then fascinating was her approach when she started applying for new jobs. Rather than push herself, she applied only for jobs that were safe. Roles in the same industry that were equal or lower level than her previous role. She was avoiding success.
- Confidence crisis
Do you feel that you aren’t good enough, lack the belief you can do it or feel undeserving of the opportunity. Going back to the client who was avoiding applying for the good jobs. Why was she avoiding the exciting roles offering a new industry or more money or higher position? The truth is she felt unworthy. She didn’t believe she was good enough even though her experience and CV clearly showed she was capable. It was important for me to highlight she wasn’t happy in her previous role so why apply to carbon copy roles. This was the moment to try and make a change, there was nothing to lose, just everything to gain.
- Downplaying achievements
If you really sat down and thought about it, there are many occasions you are proud of, where you have achieved. These moments shouldn’t be lost. Perhaps you are not the type of character that will be shouting about how wonderful you are at any given moment but it is important to note there is no shame owning your achievements. You should always make sure you know what they are, have them listed on your CV and can confidently talk about them. If you aren’t doing this and you are going as far as to downplay them, you need to ask yourself why? You are doing yourself an injustice and it could start to erode your confidence.
Ways to break the fear
It can be as simple as just being aware of it. Once you recognise what you are doing to hinder your success you can consciously choose to do it differently.
This is an uncomfortable process as it goes against your natural instincts but life can’t always be comfortable. It’s about tolerating and appreciating discomfort. The more you practise it, the more you can tolerate it. Feeling uneasy and apprehensive is stressful and tiring but it doesn’t hurt you, so there is no reason why we shouldn’t push ourselves to do it more if it is for a greater cause.
Try and set goals, make notes of what is stopping you or what negative beliefs you are holding onto and challenge them. If you feel like you won’t be able to cope, what evidence do you have that you won’t? How many times in your life when faced with a sink or swim moment have you not swam?
Remember that success can be full of new challenges and have consequences, but it doesn’t mean that shying away from it is better. Holding yourself back might feel like the safer option but maintaining a consistent level has an equal amount of difficulties as there will always be new challenges and people coming up, trying to disable your equilibrium; so really what is there to lose?
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill
If you would like some support to work through your fear of success contact Rob@purposefulleader.co